The many ways

So, I am on my way home a Sunday in May and when I get into my apartment I find that my roommate has left his bike helmet on the kitchen table. Since I need to use the table, the helmet is in the way. I told him yesterday “Don’t lay the helmet there.”. I now say “Get out of my way.” and send the helmet flying away but not in a good way for I throw it into the toilet room, and since it weighs a fair bit a makes an awful sound when it lands on the floor and starts to sway, but yet it stayed in there. However my aggressive move was not in vain for now the kitchen table is clear. I grab a class of milk but it tastes only of whey. It was a good idea that I did not attempt to eat cornflakes in a tray. Next thing is that my roommate comes home and asks he if I have put away his helmet and I answer “Ay”. He wants to slay me I can tell for out of his eyes comes an evil look ray. I say “Hey, relax. It was not made out of clay.”, he answers that I’m going to pay and I pray “Just go away”. Apparently he can read my mind and just says “Nay”.

The universe is made of failium!

Researches [Who?] has recently discovered that the universe is made of failium. Failium is a newly discovered element which has the number 0. It has the remarkable ability to fail at whatever it is doing. So far, failium has been detected in all samples tested for it. This was done using a newly devised test. The existence of failium neatly explains, scientists claim, why there is so much fail in the world. Because, if everything is partly made of failium, then everything is bound to fail, researches claim. [Citation needed].